Sex Ed at Starbucks

I was in Atlanta working on a project to help families talk about sexual health.

I walked into Starbucks with my friend Chad who works in the field of HIV/AIDS.

Clare, the woman serving coffee from behind the counter, saw Chad and screamed, “I read that book you gave me. It’s dirty!!”

At first, I had no idea she was talking to Chad. Then in a flash I thought he’d been reading and sharing romance novels with her.

Chad pointed to me and said, “Watch out Clare! This is the woman who wrote that dirty book!”

Chad told me a week earlier that he’d given my book Words Can Work: When Talking With Kids About Sexual Health to a friend. She was struggling with how to talk with her 8-year-old son about sex. He asked me to bring her a set of our DVDs Raising Healthy Kids: Families Talk About Sexual Health.

Here is the dialogue at Starbucks – which I’m sure caught the ear of every other person there.

Clare: I have such a hard time with one of the words.

Chad: I told her to go home and practice saying the word in the mirror. (Advice offered by experts in the DVD)

Clare: My husband heard me say it and said, “Don’t ever say that again!”

Me: What’s the word?

Clare: I can’t say it. Look at me, I’m red!

Jeanne: Well, tell me the first letter, I’ll guess. Vagina? Penis?

Clare covered her ears and said LA LA LA LA LA, so she couldn’t hear me.

Clare turned to me and whispered, “Uterus. I can’t say the word uterus. I told my son that a baby grows in the tummy and he said, ‘No it doesn’t. When I eat fruit, that’s where it goes!”

We were all laughing. And so was Clare. “It’s so hard!” she said. “I’m really struggling. And I’m a normal parent, aren’t I Chad?”

Me: Of course you’re normal. Most parents struggle with this stuff. But you have to push through your discomfort for your son’s sake.

Then I introduced Clare to Kim who was at the counter with us. She's a leading researcher on family communication.

Me: Clare, this is the woman who found through her research that when you DO talk openly with your kids about sexual health, they tend to delay intercourse. And when they do have sex they are more likely to use protection. You think it’s hard to say “uterus.” Imagine what a hard time you’d have if your son came home a few years down the road and told you he’d gotten a girl pregnant!

Clare: OK! That’s all I had to hear! I’ll keep working at it. But it’s hard!

I can’t wait to go back see Clare at Starbucks. If she’s watched Raising Healthy Kids there will be all kinds of new topics that experts say she needs to address with her son. More importantly, they’ll help her understand why. I predict that she won’t think the book – or the DVDs – are so dirty.

In her fluster, Clare gave me caffeinated coffee rather than the decaf I’d requested. I paid for that visit all day long. But it was well worth it.

Resources
Raising Healthy Kids: Families Talk About Sexual Health
Words Can Work: When Talking With Kids About Sexual Health

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