Stress Test

Some high schools are funding stress-reduction workshops to help kids relax. The Boston Globe reports in Stressed-out teens get lessons in relaxing about the growing trend.

The Globe article quotes Marilyn Wilscher, the director of a program offered to schools by Mass General Hospital. She says kids from every economic background are stressed. Privileged kids worry about getting into Harvard, while kids from the inner city worry about survival. (I’ve talked with plenty of inner city kids fretting over getting into college too.)

As I’ve written before, there are lots of sources of stress on kids – pressure kids put on themselves, and pressure others impose.

Seventeen-year-old Angie lives in the Bronx. “It sounds really cliché, but there’s so much pressure to fit in, and in trying to fit in,” she says. “Like whether to do drugs, or drink, or smoke, or skip classes. Without a good head on your shoulders, it’s really easy to get into it.”

And there is the pressure some parents put on their kids. And it can start early. Recently, at an eight-year-old’s birthday party, I listened in amazement as a group of moms discussed what language class their kids should take to increase their chances of getting into the “right” college. Spanish? Chinese? Eight-year-olds!

Globe reporter, Jan Tracy refers to “helicopter parents” – those who “obsessively monitor their children’s attendance and grades via the web-site set up by the school.” Many parents defend this behavior saying it’s for their kids’ own good. But young people have told me that this kind of scrutiny can feel like judgment, and does more harm than good. As high school principal, Paul Richards, tells the Globe, “Overtaxed and overcommitted students have more trouble understanding what they are suppose to be learning. … their academic performance plummets.”

Last year, Richards quit publishing the honor role in the local newspaper. His town, by the way, has experienced a series of teen suicides.

Add up all the texting, testing, talking, and worrying kids do, and they do need time to decompress. It’s great that some schools are teaching kids techniques to help them cope. These are skills kids can carry into adulthood. But how parents and other adults interact with the kids in their lives can also make a huge difference.

Every kid wants to hear that doing his or her best is all we expect.

Angie has another suggestion that doesn’t cost a cent: Just put down the blackberry or cell phone and connect.

“Every kid wants to be heard out,” Angie says. “We all want somebody to listen to us. Be really supportive. That makes us feel good about ourselves. We need that the most.”